Anger Management Tips for Parents

Anger Management Tips for Parents Like You Who Want the BEST for their Kids

‘Why are you hitting your brother AGAIN?’

‘Clean up this mess for the hundredth time!!!’

Look, I know how crazy and impossible life can get – and I know that feeling of anger that builds up inside of you sometimes.

And I know the guilt….

….and I know the damage that anger can cause your children – in their self-esteem, their behavior, and your relationship with them.

Look. You are good, caring, loving parent. You want the best for your kids. (I know cuz otherwise why would you be here reading this? :)

Sometimes when our kids provoke us we find ourselves reading from a lousy script. Whether you’ve learned these lousy scripts from powerful role models or simply by trial and error - cuz you can’t figure out how to get your kids to listen otherwise – that is what has stuck until now.

But! Once you learn that there are some seriously powerful and effective alternatives – change will come – I guarantee it!

Here are some beginner anger management tips for parents just like you – who love their kids with a passion and want the best for them in every way.

10 Tips to Tame Your Temper

1.Recognize that It’s not about you.

Your kids blow up and explode at you… but it’s often not about you.

Your kid’s trying to keep up with a lot of pressures and things happen that are frustrating them.

So they comes home and flip out about your terrible dinners. But. That’s not actually what’s bothering them. They’s upset about something that happened hours ago at school!

Meanwhile you get the be the dumping ground – you and  the rest of the house. I hear you. Not fun. But if you can recognize that it’s not about YOU – you’ll be able to have some much needed perspective that will help you keep calm and figure out how to handle the situation.

2.Quit the Blame game.

You know the feeling of needing to find someone to point the finger at?

‘Who left the glass at the edge of the table? Of course it fell!’

The need to find the culprit and just give them a piece of your mind. That’s the blame game.

Blame brings you in the wrong direction – to an angry slippery slope.

Get off that slope and quit playing that game!

Instead work on finding a solution, prevention for the future, and nurturing your relationship with your child – which is by far more important that pointing any finger.

3.Look for the Content

Hear the emotions and experiences. When your child is screaming at you, try to leave the angry tone at the door and listen to the content of what is being said.

This works especially well when you’re listening to an angry teen. They need to know that you’re listening and that you care. Try to absorb the content of what they’re saying and leave the fact that they’re screaming out of the picture for the time being.

You can come back later when they’ve calmed down and deal with the disrespect issue then.

4.Change the Picture in your Head

It shouldn’t be this way… is the thought that often dictates our emotions.

Shmuel shouldn’t talk to me like that!

Yoshua shouldn’t pick fights with his brother!

Sara shouldn’t leave a mess wherever she goes!

The truth is that the goal of parenting is not to raise perfectly well behaved and mannered children. The goal of parenting is to raise well adjusted, kind and capable ADULTS with Yiras Shamayim.

You child isn’t perfect? That ok. Actually that’s more than ok – that’s the way it’s supposed to be. Your child is perfectly healthy if they test the boundaries, pick fights, and act lazy.

It SHOULD be this way. Now it’s time to brainstorm and see how you can use your parenting skills and intuition to motivate change.

5. Develop Patience & Tolerance

Be honest with me. If you were to be a super patient parent – would you get angry as often?

How many times do you blow your horn when your kids take too long or keep you waiting.

Hey, I’m not judging here, I’m in the same boat as you. I’ve lost it literally hundreds of times with my kids just for lack of patience….

That’s why developing patience is oh so important when it comes to anger management for parents – cuz these kids seriously test our patience!

6. Remember that Anger is an outer shell

What’s the emotion beneath your anger? So often we get hurt – and don’t want to show our weakness to those around us – so we get angry – instead of showing our pain.

Anger is almost never a primary emotion in that even when anger seems like an instantaneous, knee-jerk reaction to provocation, there’s always some other feeling that gave rise to it.

Get used to feeling your emotions and expressing them.

Be Vulnerable.

The first step to open communication and helping someone else to understand us is by expressing our true feelings – not covering it up with anger.

7. Awaken your Compassion

Feel compassion instead of trying to get even.

Awaken your humility – instead of ‘how dare you hurt me’ – try thinking ‘I’m just a regular parent who makes mistakes just like the next person.’

If you want other people around you to forgive you for your mistakes, then learn to be forgiving of theirs.

8. Ask Questions

Are you a mind reader? Do you really know what was going through your 9-year-old’s mind when he made the kitchen sink overflow with his newest experiment?

Or what your teen was thinking when he snuck in late last night?

Ask questions – don’t jump to conclusions. You can’t read their mind, just slow down and ask questions. Chances are there’s a perfectly good explanation for their behavior.

And even if there isn’t you’ve just gotten to know your child a little bit better and how she thinks.

9. Use CBT for Anger Management

CBT (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) is based on the concept that how we think (cognitive thoughts), how we feel (emotions) and how we act (behavior) are all connected. Meaning, our thoughts create our emotions and often determine our behavior. In other words:

‘Our thoughts create our emotions and our emotions create our reality.’ – Rabbi Aryeh Nivin

Therefore, negative thoughts can cause us to behave negatively. But if we can go into your mind and change your thoughts – that will change your emotions and therefore your behavior.

10. Find the Trigger

What made you blow up? Were you tired? Was the house a mess? Is there a subconscious belief that you need to change?

If you can figure out what is at the root of your angry outburst – what sets you off – you’ve just discovered a goldmine!

Finding the trigger to your anger is finding the key to setting you free from it! It’s not an instant fix – but it’s the cornerstone for changing your inner dialogue and freeing you from anger.

11. Daven!

Daven for Siyatta Dishamaya of course! Cuz the Ribono Shel Olam is waiting for you to stretch out your hand for His help!

Anger management for parents with lively kids or kids who test the boundaries a lot – is challenging!

But I know you’re up for the challenge! How do I know? Cuz you’ve made all the way to the end of this article all about anger management tips for parents – and that means you’re motivated – and that’s the key ingredient for your success!